The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
