You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
