I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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