we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
