Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
