i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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