I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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