i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
