in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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