ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
