just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
