Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
