So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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