my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
