New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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