I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
