Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
