4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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