I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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