He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
