Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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