He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
