Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
