just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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