you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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