If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
