sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
