Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
