This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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