i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
