I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
