If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
