i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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