yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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