Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
