OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
