Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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