I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
