I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
