This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
