I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
