Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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