Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
