I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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