She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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