oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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