Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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