Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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