i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
