but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
