I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
