So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
