I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
