just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
